A Lesson on Watching Where You’re Going

I’m sure you’ve all been waiting for my take on these cell phones and tablets the kids these days are all carrying around. Frankly, if it keeps them quiet, I usually wouldn’t care. Go ahead, sit in front of the TV and ruin your eyes, see if I care—that’s just fewer people disturbing my peace and quiet. 

It’s the people who get so busy talking and texting that really gives me steam; it just grills my burgers. Here I am, trying to mind my own business and get my groceries and some fool on a phone gets me in trouble. If you’re expecting a story, I guess I aim to please today. 

A Grocery Store Mishap

I’ve been staying in Utah for a couple days, looking for some secluded area where no one will bother me. No one knocking on my door with pamphlets, no friendly neighbors bringing me their weird casseroles or letting their kids loose on my lawn—just peace and quiet. 

Of course, I wasn’t far enough out of the city, clearly. 

It happened on an evening grocery run. I thought I’d just pick up a few things for dinner, and I was about to get my last items and take my purchases and my coupons to the counter. Of course, that wasn’t meant to be. Some guy with a Bluetooth headset (the only thing worse than a cell phone) was talking away, off in his own little world. 

Well, here in the real world, we don’t block the whole aisle to talk about sales quotas. So, I got a little angry, and I whipped around the corner into the next aisle. 

Then, everything went black. 

Slip-and-Fall Accident Recovery

Technically, the property owner is responsible for my injuries. They’ll be the one I need to take to court, or at least, that’s what my Salt Lake City personal injury lawyer keeps saying. 

They should have put out a “Wet Floor” sign warning customers about the conditions. I certainly won’t argue that the owner was a little bit incompetent, letting me get hurt so badly. Now, I’m laid up with a concussion and no chance of doing anything but lying around. 

Still, none of this would have happened if it weren’t for Headset Guy. All he had to do was respect all the other people in the store. But, could he do that? Of course not! That guy is probably still out there, telling lame jokes to whatever poor person is on the other side of the line, causing even more accidents. Really, he’s a menace that should be stopped. 

Of course, I have my doubts that anyone is going to take the damage he did seriously. Oh, it was a slippery floor, they’ll say. Oh, you weren’t paying attention because you were angry, they might add. To which I say, that’s true, but it doesn’t mean this guy isn’t a troublemaker. 

So, keep an eye out for people like this. They just might be careless enough to leave you with a head injury and even more time in Salt Lake City. 

Noisy Neighbors, Noisier Divorce

I’m finally back home, and surprise surprise, the neighbors haven’t changed one bit. I had high hopes that maybe they would have all snuck out and moved while I was gone, but no such luck. I’m still stuck with them, it seems, and they were even all smiley about my return, asking me about my trip. 


Worst of all, things are just as troubled in paradise as always. This time, though, they’re more vocal and obnoxious than ever. 

I’m starting to wonder if maybe striking out on my own into the wilds of the forest would suit me better. 

The Problem Neighbors 

Now, I myself like to think I’m a pretty respectful neighbor. No brats running around my yard, no pets, no noisy TVs, and so on. I even keep my lawn trimmed to HOA standards, though it looks like I’m the only one. 

Of course, some neighbors are worse than others. I understand all that, but could they keep it down a little? They don’t even have brats to fight over, so I really don’t see what the big deal is. 

Naturally, though, it’s all hours of the night. They used to be the most lovey-dovey couple on the street (again, ugh), but now, it’s basically silence over there, unless they’re yelling at each other. Finally, even my other neighbors started agreeing with me. 

“Are you seriously hashing all this out at two in the morning?” You basically read my mind, buddy. 

The Next Steps

Not that I mind more people moving out, but honestly, these two have me thinking about moving, too. Worse, the lady is military personnel or something, and the rest are worried about how that’s going to drag out. 

Fortunately, I know this military divorce attorney, who cleared up a couple things. “Because  they’re both in the states, filing will be faster. While they might drag out the case in court over property, getting a divorce will be easier because neither are currently deployed.”

It’s barely a comfort, but it’s something, I suppose. At least there’s reason to believe that this isn’t just the rest of my life, right? 

Of course, I’m sure they’ll be replaced by some family or something. It’s never just a nice, quiet person who will keep their nose in their own business. Nope, they either get in my business, or they air out theirs for everyone to hear. Sometimes, you just can’t win. 

What Happens Next

I’m writing this at about six in the morning, since I like to get up early while no one else is up to bother me, and they are still going after each other. See, this is exactly why I never got married. I can barely stand people living next to me. Having someone in my space, breathing my air? Thanks, but no thanks. 

Honestly, I’m thinking about just moving. Maybe somewhere away from any cities, definitely away from these little suburban areas. The convenience just doesn’t outweigh the trouble of dealing with everyone else’s relationship drama. 

So, next time you hear from me, I’ll probably be packing up and moving on. Maybe I’ll even be out of here before backyard barbeque season starts in earnest.