Beaches Are for the (Snow) Birds

If there’s one thing I can’t stand (though believe me, there’s a lot of things I can’t stand), it’s snow. It’s cold, it’s wet, it makes my joints ache, and worst of all, it encourages shenanigans. Oh yes, I’m sure it’s all in good fun to throw snow around pelting helpless elderly people with ice and who-knows-what while they’re trying to get to their cars. 

This year, I thought I’d get ahead of all that by taking a little trip to Florida, where the sun is shining and it’s at least a little more temperate. After a few days of snowfall, I booked my flight in hopes of better weather and better crowds. After all, who’s going to the beach in the dead of winter? 

It turns out, I’m not the only one with the idea. 

I’d never heard the term “snowbirds” before, but I see now why the locals rolled their eyes when they said it. Imagine it—a bunch of folks taking over the roads, crowding the restaurants, and making life more difficult for those who just want a little rest and relaxation. It’s madness, I tell you, and it feels like there’s no escape. 

Worse, it seems that a lot of them don’t know how to drive. For example, there I was, driving by the beach—which was covered in trash, but I guess I didn’t come for the sunbathing—when it started raining. A couple behind me failed to stop in time, not accounting for the obvious rain. They slid and hit me. 

They even had the audacity to try to pin any of the blame on me! Sure, I was still sitting there after the light had changed, but pardon me for not having the reflexes of a thirty-year-old. I’ll be sure to keep in mind that it’s my fault if people are driving too fast in the rain. 

Naturally, I was furious. Sure, I had already gotten a car accident attorney in Tampa on my side, and I wasn’t hurt, but this was ridiculous. I came here to avoid all the toil and trouble of home, only to hire yet another lawyer and deal with yet another lawsuit. 

It’s enough to drive anyone nuts, honestly. Here I am, doing all I can to get some peace and quiet, and now my bumper is all but falling off my car! Really, how am I supposed to relax like this?! 

The worst part, though, may be all the people partying. Sure, it’s not exactly spring break, but the weather isn’t stopping people from being loud and laughing in every house and every restaurant in the city. Don’t they know I’m trying to rest and relax here?

At this rate, maybe I should take my chances back home with the snowmen and flying ice projectiles. These so-called snowbirds are really pecking at my nerves, so to speak, and it won’t be long before I really lose my patience.